so here I am. take 729 on my quest to complete a whole30. i always say i will complete this. and i never do. i constantly fill my head with 'im a 20-something, i shouldn't have to be this strict' 'im busy' 'musicians dont have to be as picky as i am'. all this bull shit i need to snap myself out of before i let myself get out of control. cookie addiction is a serious problem in america today, folks..
but all kidding aside. i have real issues i am ready to undertake.
i am severely depressed. i am. it's a fact. i'm a year out of college, living at home trying to make it as a musician. i've already accepted this fate. i just want to be a little happier.
my sleep is awful.
i have allergies, still.
i am positive there is something severely wrong with my gut.
i am tired all the time. all. the. time.
all my family eats is pasta/snacks/bagels. (again, i live at home)
i live on cookies.
i am just at wits end with feeling this way because (way back when) i ate paleo very consistently and had never felt better in my whole life. i got caught up in the science of it and tried to 'perfect it' (zone, warrior, and any other "paleo versioned diet" you can name) - my body freaked out, my anorexic tendencies came back (flash back to high school cross country and an 86#, 5' tall samantha) and now here i am, uncomfortable in body and mind. ready and ready and READY to change.
i am going to a whole9 seminar in Hoboken with my best friend on Sept 9th --- so i'm determined to complete this challenge.
day 1. which couldn't have gone worse.
woke up late.
late to work.
got in trouble.
busy as hell.
tired.
brought food with me. made hard boiled eggs and had cucumber and a pepper.
tried pecan-butter today. i'll stick to my almond butter.
made lamb chops/sautéed mushrooms for dinner.
beyond super stressed out.
kinda mad at myself.
right now i am in a terrible mood about life and respect and self worth. i am tired and cranky. and i want to be 100% honest because this is where i'm documenting my journey. today was awful. but it's only up from here..
**also. i am injured. my knee is injured (the tendons were swollen from hurting my knee and they're on the road to recovery) -- want to throw that out there. working out is super limited for me right now.
black Americano. go team USA.
hard boiled eggs, cucumber, pepper
lamb chops (grass-fed), mushrooms and onion. (sauteed in olive oil)
not photo'd: almond butter, lara bar (discarding these from my life as of today -- would much rather eat an apple), cashews (can you tell I went shopping and was eating in line?)
lots of fat today. was slightly less prepared than I wanted to be. but tomorrow is another day. and I ate whole30 approved. so yay, day 1.
goodnight.
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